She Broke My Heart Because I Love Her

I always felt like I was just a reliable provider of attention and affection for her. She didn’t really care for me, just the way I made her feel special when she needed it. She didn’t really love me, just my pretty words that made her feel loved.

She broke my heart because I cared too much for her. She broke my heart because I was asking for more than her text messages and Facebook Likes. She broke my heart because she got tired of me wanting to win her heart. She broke my heart because I love her.

I can think of a lot of mean words to describe her, but it can all be summed up with “selfish”. I want to hate her, but it’s pointless. I want her to feel the pain she caused me, but that would make me selfish, cruel and just plain mean. I think she just needs to grow up. A lot.

The End of All Things

I originally intended this blog to be my “drunk blog” where I only write and publish posts when I’m drunk. Throwing that idea out the window. I’ve decided to make this my “feelings blog”. I find posting about my feelings online is cathartic but it can be annoying and boring for my online contacts, not to mention embarrassing for me in the long run. So I’m remaining nameless but still willing to give TMI.

This need to post about my feelings right now comes on the feels of a very lonely week. I’m in love with a girl for more than a year now, see. This past week, all the frustrations I’ve had in pursuing her just came to a boil. I got pissed, she got pissed and it ended with a definite “NO”. No, she doesn’t love me. No, she doesn’t want to see me again. No, I will never win her heart no matter how I’m madly in love with her.

To make matters worse, I’ve been trying to ask for help from the closest friends I have. I just needed someone to talk to. Turns out I only have a few of them and most of them are girls I’ve previously dated. All of them, ALL OF THEM, are busy. For one entire week, I’ve been looking for someone to talk to and no one was available. It’s probably the loneliest week of my life.

As the week ended, I found myself among strangers and a casual acquaintance. I didn’t have the balls to open up and tell them about my situation. I was just relieved that I was spending time with people. Not too thrilled that only strangers are comfortable enough to be in my company.

So here I am, fresh from being rejected and with no friends willing to hear my thoughts and feelings. I only have a pack of cigarettes, a can of Coke and the Internet. It feels like the end of all things. Give me a few more days or weeks and I’ll be ready for the beginning of something new. For now, I’ll just mope and smoke myself to death.

Bad Dreams

I was drinking beer, loving the view and dreaming about the future.

You were thirsty for company, hating your new home and having a bad dream.

Wish you were there with me. My night ruled, yours sucked. Both of us scared.

Next time, we dream together. Drunk.